wtf, search engines!

Do you check the traffic sources for your blog?  Are you curious from where and how people connect to you?

Every so often, I am interested in how someone stumbles upon my blog.  Today, this is what I found:

#1.  This makes sense.  I have repeatedly discussed how shocked T and I were are that two brown-eyed, brown-haired parents can create such a blondie with blue eyes!

#2.  Seriously?  My guess is that you were span.ked as a child and you have some sort of se.x.ual dysfunction relating physical pain and puni.shment to plea.sure.  Orrrrr you just read 50 Sh.ades of Gr.ey.

#3.  You are awesome!  I hope that you find the answer to staying at home with your child(ren).  You probably won't find any advice here about how to do that, unfortunately.  You might try a different search such as, "How does a family live off of one salary?" or, "best budgeting ideas."  However, welcome!  Stick around and, hell, start a blog!  Maybe you'll be one of the lucky few who can make money off of this.

What gems have you found in your traffic sources or search keywords?

While I am amused by #2, I must admit that I cannot stop shuddering.

15 months

Shut up.  How did that happen!?  This little person is now 15 months!  He's feisty as hell.  He can throw tantrums like a preschooler, he tosses balls like me a toddler, uses signing to communicate, tries and succeeds at making us laugh, and wears me the f* out!

Sometimes I feel bad looking forward to nighttime.  There are days where I just cannot wait to put him to bed.  On these days, he has either been cranky or rambunctious, defiant or fiercely independent.  And I come to my wits end and pray for evening to come.

But then I lie in my own bed with my laptop or phone and review all of the photos or videos I have of him.  I smile and laugh as my glass fills and runneth over.  I roll over and go to sleep missing him and looking forward to the morning.

summertime

Summer has commenced!  Therefore, I insisted J have a true taste of what it means to be a child of summer.  Watching him eat a black cherry popsicle on the back porch may have been equally enjoyable for mama and papa as it was for babe.  Neither the chilliness on his delicate fingers nor the cool drip of the melted juice on his chubby thighs stopped him from loving that treat.  Between licks and bites he would look up and smile up at us.  You're welcome, little boy.  Now you know what summer tastes like.

Being.

Having a child amplifies every fiber of my being.  Every emotion I feel is tenfold to that which I felt before having my fiesty toddler.  

My love, joy, frustration, patience, sadness, heartache, amazement, fear.  I experienced these before my baby entered the world.  Now that he is here, these emotions are all consuming.  I love to the very center of my bone.  I fear to the very ends of my hair.  My heart literally races with joy.

I am almost sick with emotion.  I feel everything. 

Sometimes this is scary.  I almost cannot wrap my mind around being so passionate about another person - both the joys and sorrows.  

It is my goal to always be contented.  Patient.  To recognize the good and the bad.  To let go of control and breathe in experiences.  I want to be.

I cannot keep my child from harm.  I cannot keep him from growing up.  I cannot always cry tears because my love is so fierce.  While I want to experience all of these emotions, I want to also recognize that I am utterly blessed.  I want to be calm, patient, and thankful.

This little man has no idea how much he has taught me.  I do not suspect he will ever know until he has his own babe in his arms.

Yes, baby.

Yes, baby.  You may pick up that stick and jog to the other side of the patio.

Yes, baby.  You may climb up and down the cinderblocks.

Yes, baby.  You may throw that stone.

Yes, baby.  You may dig your nails into the dirt.

Yes, baby.  You may scream at the top of your lungs.

Yes, baby.  You may eat your meal off of our breakable dinnerware.

Yes, baby.  You may jump on your bed.

Yes, baby.  You may rip those pages out of the magazine.

Yes, baby.  You may unpack that entire kitchen cabinet.

Yes, baby.  You may eat with a fork.

Yes, baby.  You may eat what is on my plate, too.

Yes, baby.  You may play in the recycling.

Yes, baby.  You may walk 5 steps ahead of me.

Yes, baby.  You may dunk your head in the pool.

Yes, baby.  I love you.

J is 14 months.  And mostly, he hears a "Yes, baby," from our lips to his ears.