Oh no, no, no!
You cannot look annoyed, little boy, for I'm about to list all of the ways that
YOU annoy ME!
1. When J is desperate for food, he cries out. This escalates and I, holding his food just mere inches from his hand, wait until he's finished throwing his fit. Much, much later, he calms and I hand him the food. He then throws it on the floor.
2. 4am means it's time to crawl all over Mama while blowing raspberries and yanking hair.
3. J has a piercing scream, with desperate and hysterical sobs. Translation: "Pick me up! Pick me up! PICK. ME. UP!!!!!!!!"
4. I pick up said child and he cries out, once more. Translation: "Put me down! Put me down! PUT. ME. DOWN!!!!!!!!"
5. Repeat #3 and #4. And repeat it again.
6. Docile baby, playing calmly, crapping his pants. Gently place him on his back for a diaper change and he immediately needs an exorcism. While standing on the crown of his head, he barks, screeches, and cries. All before a wipe gets near him...
7. Chewing and nursing. Together.
8. Upon cleaning the living room before bed - one book is placed on the shelf by me, 6 pulled off by J.
9. Smiles and belly laughs for Papa. Tears and separation anxiety for Mama.
10. "Graduating" from the spit-up stage, until Mama is out the door for a ridiculously important meeting and is finally looking professional. "E, you have something? On your shoulder?"